My First Time With the Crazy Old Kratom Lady: Part 1

How a vape shop owner became the most important woman in my life.

So now I’m Googling where to buy Kratom with a frenzy I’d usually reserve for porn searches,(come on – y’all know we addicts love porn, too, it’s a cheap dopamine hit, but still a hit). I remember getting the weirdest results. I’d put in my location and these bizarre sites popped up mostly selling tobacco vape juice and bongs throughout the entire country. Made no sense. I was looking for my magic Kratom – I didn’t need to know where in Seattle you could get a four-foot bong. Eventually I found a site that listed a store that was ( I’m not fucking with you, here) 1.5 miles from my house.


I call the place and this kind sounding old woman answered. I put on my best, most professional “I’m not a drug seeker” voice, ( we all have one) and innocently enquired if she carried this little thing I’d heard about called KRAHH-TOM. She chuckled under her breath and corrected me. “KRAY-TUM?” she asked. I think about this moment a lot. I don’t know why, but it irks the shit out of me that she did that. I wasn’t a Kratom expert yet, I didn’t know the correct pronunciation. Clearly I’m asking about “KRAY-TUM” , why mess with me and quietly LOL? To be fair, she could’ve said she sells dismembered puppies to eat and I wouldn’t have given two shits – I just wanted the K. She told me, yup, she sells it. Then she lowered her voice. “It’s quite a popular thing here,” she whispered. You know, the alarm bells should’ve been going off here the second she started talking like a Dateline killer. For most people – for the “normal people” – the non-addicts – they would’ve been. But nope, not me. She had the fucking elixir of life there, she could talk however she wanted. “Come on by,” she said – like the spider inviting the fly into it’s web. Again, even with that slightly sinister invitation, my alarm bell system was still severely lacking in alarming bells of any sort, so I jumped in the car (I still had one at the moment – more on that another time) and off I went to my new nirvana.

Want to know how fast you can drive 1.5 miles? You really don’t. Whatever it was, I’m sure it wasn’t legal. It was funny, I’d driven by the vape place countless times, stopped in once, never knowing my future (and the end of it) was tied to it. It was a bizarre set up. The front of the building was a vintage/antique shop while around the back was a separate entrance for the tobacco/vape shop, like all the naughty, dirty people have to go in the back. Instinctively, I went in the rear entrance – guess I knew I was dirty and naughty.

And there she was. Mama Kratom – all 104 years of her wrapped in a hunched-over, wrinkly frame topped with a dark gray ponytail and grandma specs that dangled on the edge of her nose. Man, she even looked like someone out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Reminder – alarm bells – none, okay? She smiled when I came to the counter. I think I counted three teeth, I’m being generous. ‘I called,” I said. She just stared down her nose at me, silent, as if lots of men are calling her all the time. “About the kratom…” I whispered. She broke into a gigantic granny grin, then reached behind her and grabbed a small white bottle off the shelf. She held it up for me to see the words “Green Malay Kratom, 60 capsules”.

I wanted to kiss her, buy her dinner, and finish her crossword for her all at the same time.

“Is this what you’re looking for?” she asked.

We all know what happens next, right? I buy the K, take that blissful first dose and sink into a bed of unicorns and rainbows?

Not quite what happened. Mama Kratom wasn’t done with me yet.

After all, it was our first time…

About kratomdiaries

In 2017, I discovered Kratom. I wish I never had. This is my own personal experience with this mysterious, magical, and yes - deadly - leaf. My story is my own and your journey with Kratom is your own. What happened to me may never happen to you. For many, Kratom is a gift, the ultimate answer to years of opioid or alcohol abuse. But, remember - if something seems too good to be true, it probably is - and there's a lot of lies being spread about Kratom. You CAN get addicted to it. You WILL go into withdrawals if you take too much and stop abruptly. You MIGHT die from it. I did. And dying once was enough for me. I always kept a work planner and daily notes. My job at the time meant I had to record a lot of details. But I also kept a personal diary as well. Spanning a three-year period beginning in 2017 and ending in my death, I wrote down everything I did and thought and spent. And Kratom is always on the page. It was my one constant companion. I read these diaries now and am in shock and utter horror at the amount of money wasted on this plant. The time away from family - both physically and mentally. My goal in this blog is to show you the daily details of being a Kratom addict and what it did to myself and those who loved me. It will detail how much I took, what I was doing, how I felt ( or didn't feel) and what it cost. At the end, you'll see I very nearly paid the ultimate cost for my addiction and witness how I got clean and started Life 2.0. If you're reading this, you may be deep in the Kratom weeds and need to see someone else made it out, or you're curious about Kratom, or maybe you've lost someone to addiction and know every word and lived every moment I write about. Whatever the reason, I hope someone reads this and it helps them find their own way out of the darkness, before the light goes out forever.
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2 Responses to My First Time With the Crazy Old Kratom Lady: Part 1

  1. varjakBaby says:

    Thank you for telling this story.

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